About ayopez

Senior Mech. Engineer at Villanova University. Proud member of The Bank aka Upper Gulf

Answer Me!

Here’s something I never understood: the term “unanswered.” You know, like “The Caps now have two unanswered goals.” I mean, I get the whole concept of answering back with goals or runs or whatever, but I feel like commentators use it wrong like 90% of the time. Maybe I’m just an idiot (no one answer that), but allow me to pose a scenario…

Okay say its Pens vs Caps. Winter classic rematch. Pittsburgh takes an early lead, scoring their first goal 5 minutes into the first period. 1-0 PIT. Some time passes and Ovechkin gets one by Fleury and makes it look easy. First period ends tied.

Second period: Washington scores again, this time on a power play, making it 2-1 Caps. At this point the announcer proclaims “The Capitols now have two unanswered goals.” Do they, though? How can the score be 2-1 and there be 2 unanswered goals? Wasn’t Washington’s first goal an answer to Pittsburgh’s first goal? How can the same goal provide an answer and pose a question at the same time?┬áBy the commentator’s logic, if the Penguins score again, the Caps still have 1 unanswered goal, even though the score is tied…

I am hesitant to make any accusations because – as I have discovered in the field of engineering – if you think you’re the first one to come up with it, it’s probably wrong. But this has been on my mind forever, so now I move to strike, Charlie Kelly style. I challenge someone to prove me wrong in saying that the Capitols only have 1 unanswered goal.

Top 9 Classy Things About Golf

Summer is once again upon us. A time to be spent outdoors, swimming, barbequing, and of course, golfing. But not everyone can just pick up a bag and head out to the links. Oh no, it requires a certain level of class. It’s like the Madden equivalent of swag, but since there’s only one brother who golfs professionally, it’s called class. In case you’re not sure if you have what it takes to bring your game to the green, here’s a half-round of the classiest things about the sport of golf. Enjoy.

9. “Quiet on the green!” This is what my little brother yells out when putting on the little roll-out green we have. I don’t think they actually shout this on the Tour (I don’t recall hearing it at the US Open at Bethpage, but then again that’s not a PGA event) but I had to put it in in honor of Phil. This “Classy Thing” is all about respect, and it’s one of the things that makes golf golf. If you don’t have the decency to let a guy take a shot in silence, even if he’s one of those asses who gets reaaaal close to the ball and stares at the hole for 5 minutes and still misses the putt by 3 feet, then the sport of golf just might be too classy for the likes of you.

8.┬áPolo Shirts. If you’re playing golf and you’re not wearing a collared shirt, you better pray to God you’re at the driving range. Or a par 3 course at worst. That’s pretty much the extent of this one (for now).

7. Keeping your own score. Golf is so classy that it lets you be in charge of the scoreboard. But it’s up to you to return the favor. It’s not classy to keep giving yourself mulligans. Remember that guy on Seinfeld who tried to take a mulligan? Yeah, he killed a guy in that episode. Don’t take mulligans.

6. Yelling “Fore!” Yes Jax, that’s how you spell fore. The only time it is acceptable to be loud on the course is if someone’s life is in danger. Shouting this word is like saying “bomb” on an airplane. You better be damn sure there’s a bomb, otherwise you look like a complete douche. Except you probably won’t be taken off the tee box and jailed for yelling fore. There’s so much that goes into this cry of warning: once you realize you sliced the ball like a cucumber, you have to prepare your voice box appropriately. Yelling fore in a cracked, half-assed voice not only alerts the whole front 9 that you suck, but it makes you the bitch of the foursome. But don’t let this deter you from using the delicate utterance, because being crappy at golf doesn’t mean you can’t be classy at it. Besides, what’s classier than saving someone’s life?

5. Clubhouses. Most sports venues have clubhouses with showers and lockers and whatnot. Country clubs are no exception. Except for the BAR. A beer league team finishes a game and heads out to a bar somewhere downtown. A foursome has to go literally nowhere to get a post-game drink. And if someone gets a hole-in-one? Free drinks, wooo! That doesn’t happen if someone hits a homerun, does it? And where else can you grab a cigar and listen to a bunch of classy old guys tell crazy stories about the war, besides your local Am Vets?

4. Taking your glove off to putt. In golf, the green is a sacred place. It can be compared to a Buddhist temple, if you will, where silence is demanded (refer back to number 9) and nature is respected. This is obviously the reason carts are not allowed and you are required to fix any divots your ball may have made. This is where golfer becomes one with putter. In order to achieve this intimacy, there must be no obstructions between hand and grip. I have yet to reach this level of nirvana, which must be why my short game blows. Number 4 may be more ritual than class, but it adds to the deep history of golf. If it weren’t for those Scottish Buddhists, where would the game be today?

3. Walking, when you can easily use a cart. This is another level of class that I have yet to reach. Mainly because I’m lazy as shit. But watch any pro event and there won’t be a golf cart in sight. Ironic as it may sound, the better you are, the more you walk, especially when you’re on TV. Could you even imagine watching the last foursome crossing the Hogan Bridge on Augusta 12 in a cart?! I’m getting sick just thinking about it…

2. Augusta. Speaking of Augusta National Golf Club…this place just oozes class. Home of The Masters, Augusta has one of the most exclusive members lists around. Notable class acts such as Warren Buffett, Pete Coors, and Lynn Swann cough up 10 G’s a year to play at this pristine course. The best part is that they don’t have to bring their wives. They’re not allowed to, in fact; Augusta members are male-only. Women can debate all they want whether or not that’s classy, but the fact that there are no red tees 50 yards in front of the tee box has at least some merit. Between green jackets, stone bridges, and the infamous Amen Corner, it is easy to see why Augusta deserves to be at the top of its class. But it’s not the top of this list…

1. Knickerbockers. Knickers were first worn by Americans in the 1890’s at clubs such as St. Andrew’s of Yonkers, the oldest golf course in the United States. They were usually in the always-classy style of plaid, to match the plaid vests worn back in the day. As goofy as they may look to some, knickerbockers have become synonymous with the sport, and are a part of its history now. Probably the most memorable player to don the knicker/vest look in our generation was the late-great Payne Stewart, who tragically died in a plane crash in 1999, shortly after his 3rd major win at the Ryder Cup. The Missouri native was honored in a classy-as-ever tribute at the following PGA Championship, where most of the players wore knickers to pay their respects to Stewart. As the game becomes more modernized, with driver heads the size of a small child’s head and cleats that look more like basketball sneakers than golf shoes, little things such as knickerbockers are getting phased out. However, the knicker outfit, along with the suave ivy hats and plaid or argyle vests, will always sit at the top of the list as the classiest golf attire. If you can pull of this look, it doesn’t even matter how well you hit the ball. You’ve got class my friend.

 

 

UPDATE: Knickers are now bumped from number 1, courtesy of CJ (the punk with the “Junior” initial), for these guys: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PM2NocuEihw

Something Hockey Related

Watching the last two Stanley Cup games and rooting for the Canucks is like playing with my NHL ’11 “Be A Pro” player. Karel Patzold (don’t ask me why…it wouldn’t let me change his fucking name) was a beast in the CHL, averaging like 3 points a game for 5 games. So naturally he gets drafted like 3rd overall. To the Ducks. 87 overall team rank? That’s bullshit. [Disclaimer: The following relates to virtual reality only.]

Ryan Getzlaf is the center Patzold replaced on the first line, and good fucking thing too. This guy is terrible whenever my line isn’t in. He, and the rest of my teammates have two offensive settings: “be a showoff” and “be a bitch.” Every time I get back in the game, I have to mash the D-pad to get it back to “standard” before the friggin’ Blue Jackets score on me.

And I’ve never seen a goalie worse than Jonas Hiller (at least until Luongo made it to the Stanley Cup). You can tell this guy’s from Switzerland, too. If the other team gets more than two shots on goal, Hiller just stands up and goes “fuck it.” You can actually hear him say it too, I think they programmed it into the game. I can’t imagine what he would do if he played the German national team…

There was one positive thing about being the Ducks: There was an unlockable jersey. YES! Mighty Ducks throwback! #dontstopgetitgetit. I scour the website to find out how to unlock it. Oh, wait. It’s just the alternate jersey from this season? I’ve lost all hope.

 

Step your game up Canucks!

Face-Off: Jose Juan Barea v Tyrone “Muggsy” Bogues

It’s an NBA short-man themed Face-off! This issue features two of the shortest point guards to ever play the game. Well, it’s the shortest one and a relatively short one. Okay fine, I only chose JJ because he’s on my TV right now, deal with it.

On the Court:

Muggsy Bogues was picked 12th overall out of Wake Forest in a promising draft year. Only one pick ahead of him was The Reggie Miller. Pretty impressive for a 5′ 3″ guy. Other 1987 Draft notables were Kevin Johnson (7th), Scotty Pippen (5th), and first overall David Robinson. Unfortunately, Bogues was drafted by The Bullets. In ’88 he was traded to the Hornets, where he spent the majority of his career. The then moved to The Golden State in ’97 and became a Warrior, followed by a Raptor two years later. Needless to say Muggsy didn’t have the best track record team-wise.

JJ Barea had somewhat of a slower start than Bogues did. The six foot zero guard left a successful college career at Northeastern to play in the Puerto Rican League in ’06. He probably played center in PR though; I think 6′ is hard to come by in the commonwealth. Anyway, that same year JJ was signed by Dallas after he went undrafted. After one year in the bigs, Barea found himself amongst the soldiers of the D-League…ew. All this aside, Jose now finds himself amid the glorious battle for that shiny golden NBA Championship trophy. So, pending the result of the Finals, EDGE: JJ

Height Contrast:

This one is strictly media-based:

6'0" JJ and 7'0" Dirk

Muggsy with 7'7" teammate Manute Bol

Yup. EDGE: Muggsy

Nicknames:

Jose Juan was destined to have an initialed nickname. It’s a simple, standard abbreviation, but what’s so great about it is the way it rolls off the tongue. “JJ Barrrreahh.” It’s also not just a cop-out “Junior” J like some punks like to pull (no offense to my boy CJ back home).

HOWEVER! As if Tyrone wasn’t gangsta enough, Bogues was dubbed the OG nickname, “Muggsy,” which always makes me think of the cartoon Rocky and Mugsy gangsters. I gotta put this alias in my top three NBA nicknames, just under “The Big Shaqtus.” EDGE: Muggsy

Outside the NBA:

Besides being the shortest to ever play in the NBA, Muggsy was known by many for being one of the stars of one of the greatest movies – let alone sports movies – of all time, Space Jam. He didn’t have the biggest part in the movie, sure, but he still had the important role of being one of the superstars who got their talent sucked out of them. Without him, the plot would have died and the little red monstar would’ve sat the bench.

JJ hasn’t been in any movies that I’m aware of, but he does know a few other famous people…namely former Miss Universe, Zuleyka Rivera, who Barea happens to be smangin’ on the reg. How he managed to get a piece like her, I’ll never comprehend. But he did, and for that, EDGE: JJ

So it’s 2-2. But I’m obviously not going to let it end in a tie. Basically it comes down to this: JJ is sexin’ on the beauty in the crown to the left. I on the other hand am not, and he is doing me no favors by having this luxury. Muggsy has done me, and the rest of those who grew up in the ’90s and early ’00s, a favor by contributing to an instant childhood classic. Which is why I award this Face-Off to the shortest of short men, Tyrone “Muggsy” Bogues. Suck it.

 

Name that Stadium

Lambeau Field, Fenway Park, Madison Square Garden. Ever heard of them? Of course you have, they’re fucking iconic. How about these: M&T Bank Stadium, Chase Field, Quicken Loans Arena. Probably not, unless you’re a fan of the Ravens, D-Backs, or the Cavs.

My point is this: many of the sporting venues that are sprouting up these days are being funded by these big corporate names (I don’t know how big M&T Bank is…) and it’s taking away from the sanctity of the stadiums. Sure, these million and billion dollar structures are beautiful with countless new amenities — half the reason I still go to Yankee games is for the pulled pork sandwiches — but there’s nothing behind the names of random companies.

When a company bails as a sponsor and a field gets a new name, said field loses that sense of history that went with its old name. The resident team has to start building a whole new legacy for their house.

“Hey, remember that time we won the World Series at The BOB?” No, Luis Gonzalez, no one knows what the fuck The BOB is. And in 10 years when Bank of America buys out Chase, no one will know where Chase Field was either (but hey, then you can call it “The BOA,” even if it contradicts your mascot).

What if every time MSG was renovated, it got a new name? I can tell you that The Garden would be a straight up shit hole. It’s already pretty shitty, but because of all the teams and superstars that played there, and all the epic concerts and Big East Tourneys that were held there, throw in a couple boxing matches, the place is hallowed grounds. There may be banners hanging from its rafters, but it’s the name “Madison Square Garden” that sticks in everyone’s mind.

Same with Fenway. The right field seats point towards the center field bleachers, but who gives a shit? It’s Fenway Fahckin’ Pahk. So much history. Even if it’s mostly bad history (sorry, Yankee fan bias). It’ll be a sad day for many fans when the Red Sox move into a new home…

All’s I’m sayin’ is these places are a big part of a team’s history, and when you give them random-ass corporation names, you’re taking away from that history.

Detroit Chillin’

Ayo

So I begin my 365 days of UGS with an internship 30 minutes outside of Detroit, MI. I live off of 6 Mile Road. That’s right, 2 miles away from 8 Mile Road. That’s wrong, not the same as Eminem. The job is great, don’t get me wrong, but the only things keeping me occupied are NHL ’11, my golf clubs, a newly acquired Netflix account, and a recently purchased Gretsch Junior Jet Bass. To get an idea of how bored I am, I’ve taught myself about 10 songs in 2 weeks.

Anyways, this whole blogging thing is new to me, so pretty much anything goes. I only have 1 rule: Do NOT use the R-word in this blog. You will automatically lose your argument/validity/opinion and I will remove your post without hesitation. Other than that, let the pissing contest begin.

They call me pez

“Go ahead, you can laugh all you want, I got my philosophy.” -Ben Folds