We’ve all seen what happened to Lebron this Finals. I’m sure everyone has read a million articles wondering how Lebron can put up such a bitchy performance in Game 4. We saw it last year in game 5 vs. Boston, so if you told me this would happen a year ago I wouldn’t have been surprised. But since then, Lebron proved that he does not get overwhelmed by the spotlight- particularly in the Boston series. Lebron has spent the whole season trying to prove the haters wrong, and as he made it to the final step, he just stopped trying. We know he’s not a choker. We know when he really cares he can take over the game when it matters. Why wouldn’t he even try? Here are all of the possibilities I can think of.
Number 1: Lebron is being paid to throw the series
Real Life Example: 1919 Black Sox.
Doesn’t it just look like he got paid to lose the game? I mean, he’s not trying. Like at all. He doesn’t want the ball. HOW CAN HE NOT CARE?!? He spent the whole year saying that ALL HE WANTED WAS TO WIN RINGS. Maybe he would not try his hardest if he was being paid to not try. Or maybe they have his mom captive or something. Someone has to be controlling Lebron James, because I can’t imagine him actually not caring about this series.
Number 2: Lebron James has an evil twin.
Real life example: He is the Lebronde and somewhere out there is his LeTiki.
Lebron’s evil twin has one goal in life- to make good Lebron miserable. Good Lebron is a mild mannered athlete, who would have been happy earning a couple million a year putting up 15 and 5 in Sacramento or Minnesota, but evil Lebron wouldn’t let that happen. He went out and drew all this attention to Lebron, and this time left real Lebron to dry in the Finals. Nice Lebron isn’t used to this hate, and doesn’t have the balls to handle it. So he spends the game trying to hide in the corner, waiting for this nightmare to be over.
Number 3: Lebron James is the evil twin.
Real life example: Lebron is Jose Canseco, and he has a normal twin who is left to fill in for him when he doesn’t feel like doing what he is being paid to do (http://sports.espn.go.com/sports/boxing/news/story?id=6265329).
Lebron is insane. Like actually insane just like Canseco. He does things just because he feels like it, just because it will get him money/attention. Then, the next day, he just does something else. He has some mind disease that just makes him do things just as he thinks of them. Then, the day before game 3 of the finals, someone offered him some acid, so he did that, and now he’s bathing off the southern coast of St. Barts with spider monkeys and shit. Meanwhile, his less talented, but good hearted twin is left to fill in.
Number 4: Somebody entered Lebron’s brain and is controlling him like a robot.
Real life example: Plankton controlling spongebob to steal the Krabby Patty Secret formula.
Lebron only has the power to control his body for short periods of time, as David Stern has a remote control that has the ability to control Lebron’s power.
Number 5: Lebron is playing a joke on us, and just dominating the finals isn’t enough for him. They lose game 5 then he goes off for 50 and 10 in games 6 and 7.
Real life example: Some kid playing NBA 2K11 who simmed the first 5 games.
Number 6: Lebron James’ Dad showed up last week, and revoked his last words of wisdom to Lebron when he said “Winning is everything.”
Real life example: Ricky Bobby and his dad in Talladega nights.
Ricky lived his life by the words, “If you’re not first, you’re last.” Later in the movie, Bobby’s dad came back and said he was drunk, and that there is “second, third, fourth.” My theory is that Lebron’s dad told him that, “Winning titles is all that matters, no matter how much money you make and people hate him.” Then, he was waiting in Dallas for Lebron to inevitably take back those words, and send Lebron on a mental journey that kept him uninterested in the game.
Number 7: Divine Intervention
Real life Example: Buddha
God came and told Lebron to do nothing.
Number 8:Lebron magically gains his powers from an object or piece of clothing.
Real life Example: Lil Bow Wow in Like Mike.
He had something like that and he lost it.
Number 9: Lebron just now read a mocking article about his receding hairline.
Real life example: Some faggot 7th grade loser getting a pimple and pretending to be sick so he didn’t have to go to school and get made fun of by the cool kids.
Lebron didn’t want the camera on him because he is suddenly self-conscious.
Number 10: Lebron was watching tape, and saw haw stupid his face is after he makes a good play.
Real life example: The Lebron face is beginning to rival the Kobe lower jaw face.
It is becoming as trademark as the Kobe face, except it doesn’t look cool at all.
It has to be one of these explanations. I literally can’t think of any more. But which is it? We may never know.