It is generally assumed that if you are white and do not live in Miami, that you are rooting hardcore for the Mavs to win the NBA Championship.The reasons are pretty simple: 1. Lebron is clearly a prick and 2. Chris Bosh is clearly a pussy. Because of this, 90% of America has become a Mavs fan, and therefore a Dirk fan. Dirk is easy to root for now. He is one of a kind, is a veteran who has done everything but win a championship, and is viewed as never having a sufficient supporting cast around him. Let’s take a step back though, and imagine Dirk had managed to win that Championship in 06, and maybe one more in the past decade.
Dirk comes into the playoffs with a cast of boring, bland players. If you were to rank the top 20 coolest plays that the Heat or Mavs have made all year, the Heat would have 19 of them. They are led by Mark Cuban, the biggest, loudest, douchiest owner in the league, who constantly reminds everyone about the 2 championships he won. Then you have fuckin Dirk. Dirk HAS to be the most aggravating player in the past decade to root against. You can guard him perfectly, and he still makes that ugly-ass jumper right in your face. It seems like you’re dominating on both ends, but those fucking jumpers just keep going in, and when they don’t go in, it seems like he gets every foul call. That along with the fact that the only thing uglier than Dirk’s game is Dirk himself. Seriously, DIrk is the German Joakim Noah when it comes to looks.
Not to mention he is European. And not only European but German. And not only German, but blonde hair, blue eyes German. Can you imagine how pissed off you would be if he hit a huge 3 pointer against you then fucking held up threes with his hand, except he used his fucking thumb instead of holding up 3 like a normal American. Fuckin Dirk. Even the name Dirk sounds like the name of a dumbass lackey to the real bad guy in Die Hard.
I could hate that guy so easily. Luckily for Dirk, he hasn’t won a championship. And he is playing against the least likable team in the history of the NBA. So we all root for Dirk’s ridiculous fadeaways to go in. And we laugh every time he gets a stupid foul call. The stars really had to align for American to truly love Dirk. And they did- this Summer in South Beach.